For about a week or so I have felt quite like an Adult. I drove to work, I made monies, I came home and made dinner for the hubby and kids... I slept at a decent hour and got up when it was still a little dark outside.
I have discovered that being a grown-up comes with many unspoken expectations. When you do something wrong no one is next to you telling you not to do it. At work, no one teaches you how to make coffee. No one says stop when you open up a new window for Farmville. Once you get hired, you are trusted to always do your work and not mess around! You are expected to stride into the office with an air of belonging and knowledge and even if you sneak out to chase deer, people assume that you're doing something productive.
When you're young, parents consistently remind you not to do "bad things," to be polite and courteous, to do good things for other people. Eventually these admonishments are supposed to turn into your conscience. That is, when you are about to check Facebook for the millionth time that day, a little parental voice in your head should say, "Hey, don't do it."
But everyone has a different kind of little voice. How do you know what you have is good enough and above the normal threshold? What if your coworker believes in a healthy 10:90 facebook-to-work ratio and yours is more like 40:60? How are we all supposed to judge the same way, and how do we know exactly what we should be doing? How much is enough and how much is too little?
Ultimately these judgey decisions we made only affect our own lives and our own future. It is hard because you are making the most important decisions for your most important adult self. Because when someone tells you the broken car bumper is secure you're the one who's at risk if it fails and you have to trust your judgment.
Throughout my life I have always done things at just above the accepted level. I get by with being pretty good at tennis, decent at violin, above average at drawing, and better than other people at being smart (lol). But now as I become an Adult I have to get my act together and start being above average. Which means being better than other people who are already Adults and already above above average. This is difficult when I look 15.
In the end we all screw up a little, lose focus for a moment, make some mistakes. But isn't it nice to know that when this happens my parents are still willing to come to my aid, clean up my mess, and tell me I won't become a failure at life. I guess I'm still not quite that Adult.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
On asking questions, Part II
As we approach the end of the school year and another batch of seniors go off to graduate, here is the question that I've been asking them the most:
"So what are you doing after graduation?"
Although common, this can be a dangerous question to ask. On one hand, it is necessary to know where they disappear off to if you never see them again (except on Facebook). On the other, you can probably expect that they've been asked this a couple million times, and if they don't have a better answer than "bumming around" then it is probably also painful to answer.
If you've read the first part, On Asking Questions, you'll remember that it's annoying when people ask the same repetitive generic questions over and over, and you are continuously obligated to provide the same mundane answers. However, in this case I feel that the graduation question is an important boring question that must be asked. Perhaps it'd be better if you asked it in different ways:
"What are some plans of yours for the upcoming future?"
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"What are you going to do with your life???"
Or maybe it's easier to answer if you ask it in a more short-term fashion:
"Anything fun planned for the summer?"
"Where are you living next year?"
"What are you doing tonight??"
But all in all, as much as I hate getting asked the graduation question, I think the ask-ee should simply think of it as a silent plea: "DON'T LEAVE ME PLSPLSPLS." When I ask this question, that and other similar thoughts are probably going through my head - "LET'S HANG OUT DON'T GO FAR AWAY I DON'T WANT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS."
Yea. So hopefully now you'll feel a little more flattered when I or anyone else ask you this. Or better yet, don't even wait for me to ask! Just tell me! Don't leave! Pls.
"So what are you doing after graduation?"
Although common, this can be a dangerous question to ask. On one hand, it is necessary to know where they disappear off to if you never see them again (except on Facebook). On the other, you can probably expect that they've been asked this a couple million times, and if they don't have a better answer than "bumming around" then it is probably also painful to answer.
If you've read the first part, On Asking Questions, you'll remember that it's annoying when people ask the same repetitive generic questions over and over, and you are continuously obligated to provide the same mundane answers. However, in this case I feel that the graduation question is an important boring question that must be asked. Perhaps it'd be better if you asked it in different ways:
"What are some plans of yours for the upcoming future?"
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"What are you going to do with your life???"
Or maybe it's easier to answer if you ask it in a more short-term fashion:
"Anything fun planned for the summer?"
"Where are you living next year?"
"What are you doing tonight??"
But all in all, as much as I hate getting asked the graduation question, I think the ask-ee should simply think of it as a silent plea: "DON'T LEAVE ME PLSPLSPLS." When I ask this question, that and other similar thoughts are probably going through my head - "LET'S HANG OUT DON'T GO FAR AWAY I DON'T WANT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS."
Yea. So hopefully now you'll feel a little more flattered when I or anyone else ask you this. Or better yet, don't even wait for me to ask! Just tell me! Don't leave! Pls.
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