Emo Bashing: Twilight the movie

Twilight, the movie based on Stephenie Meyer's book, has got to be the most hilariously emo film I have seen in a long time. Not only does no one ever ever smile in that movie (except that cute girl Jessica), every scene is drenched in this perpetual dreary gray-blue emo color. When I first saw it, I thought maybe it was due to the poor quality of the crappy camera version, but upon second viewing in better quality (perhaps I will discover the eye candy everyone else sees?), I realized that this movie is really the epitome of EMO.

First of all, this movie makes NO SENSE. In what world would a depressed looking girl become the star of her school on her first day in the middle of the semester? And why would anyone like her when she has this huge ego that prompts her to believe that no guy is good enough for her but the dark mysterious unattainable one? COME ON. What are we teaching the next generation? And Kristen Stewart's acting is unbelievably dull.


"I've only known you for two days, but after that frolic on the grass yesterday I'm madly in love with you."
"Hey me too! When do I get to give my life for you?"
This gazing into each others' eyes thing goes on for about 80% of the movie.

Not only that, but the main male lead (Edward) is SUCH a creeper. This movie only teaches 14-year-old girls that it's okay when guys randomly appear in your room when you're in your underwear, as long as he's brooding and evil and is resisting the urge to kill you. Romantic is having the guy following you around without your knowledge, sneaking around your house, and taking you to deserted to places so he can tell you he wants to eat you. Never mind that he looks twenty-five and this is like child molestation. Storylines like this are the reason girls go for the evil dangerous types!

And the vampire. If he was really that cool of a vampire, and immortal, why is he still in HIGH SCHOOL? Shouldn't he be doing something significant with his life, say, maybe go to college? Instead of lurking around high schools picking up little girls and constantly ranting about his monstrosity and evil nature. Also, why are vampires only good-looking people? I bet the doctor vampire just lets the ugly ones die while he changes the pretty ones to add to his "family."

This film makes me never want to go near one of the actual books. Plus, the apple cover is such a ripoff of Death Note. (btw, if you want to lust after a evil dangerous guy, go after Raito from Death Note, because at least he's INTELLIGENT) It is so sad the kind of books that now fall under "good fantasy literature." Tolkien is quality literature. Pullman is quality literature. Even Harry Potter and Narnia are better than this unrealistic romance emo crap.

Please realize that you can never truly call yourself a fantasy buff until you've read Tolkien. Meyer's bad influence Twilight does not count. That is all.

Favorite Movies: Closer

"Do you have any children?"
"No."
"Would you like some?"
"Yes, but not today."


I first saw this picture in 2004 when the movie came out, and I knew I had to see it (because it looks so cool!). I finally did last year, and Closer has become one of my favorite movies of all time, for its clever banter, amazing performances by the actors, and raw honesty about love and relationships. Here are some of my favorite parts.


This has to be the hottest kiss I've seen in a film, all that nuzzling. Basically the guy (Dan) used to be this quiet nerdy guy until he meets Alice (Natalie Portman), and being with her transforms him into a cocky jerk who is so full of himself he just goes after random beautiful women. (boysaredumb)


"It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and all the glittery assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they want to see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie."

So this movie is about four people who fall in love and couple up, but two can't help but cheat on the other two. It is not for the soft-hearted, because it is very very sexual and probably very offensive too. But I think it gets right to the point about love and relationships and infidelity, more honest and direct than any other film. And with witty and cutting dialogue to go along with it.


"No one will ever love you as much as I do. Why isn't love enough?"

This is my favorite scene in the movie, with an amazing performance by Natalie Portman. She finds out that Dan has been cheating on her for a year when he just says it right to her, "This will hurt." It is heartbreaking and honest and very realistic. In real life when people break up the girl/guy doesn't just say something clever and biting and walk away like in other movies. It hurts but you just can't let go and leave, you want to hang on, you want to know all the details, exactly how/when/what happened. You want to know if anything had been real, because it's so incomprehensible that this could happen, and this scene does all that beautifully.

"You did love me?"
"I'll always love you, I hate hurting you."
"Why are you?"
"Because I'm selfish."


"How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?"

After this you might think this movie gives a kind of a depressing view on love, but I think its honesty just addresses the truth about people. Relationships are hard and people are selfish and cruel and deceptive. None of these characters are what they appear to be.

I read a review that claimed Larry was the asshole most guys want to be, but Dan is the asshole most guys are, his petulance and immaturity lurking beneath the shy guy surface. So be careful, girls! The cute innocent ones are the ones that will turn into a huge jerk after they start a relationship with you. Not that that is the moral of this story (movie).

The moral of the story is that Natalie Portman is so so good (hot) in here....roflcakes. If there's nothing else you can get from it.